MY STILLBIRTH AND MISCARRIAGE STORY
When you go through pregnancy loss or major grief of any kind really, everyone is quick to tell you how strong you are. But you don't feel strong at all. You aren't strong, really. Yet you are strong, but you don't want to be. You just have to be. You literally have no choice. You sink - or you tread water.
Sometimes I wish people would say things like, "It's okay to be weak right now."
"You do not have to be strong - lean on me - let me be strong for you."
Sometimes I wish vulnerability was given the same respect as strength.
But in our world, being weak isn't exactly revered, and it's certainly not normalized - even in the pits of grief.
And so as a result, people don't know what to say and resort to platitudes. People generally don't know how to sit in the pit with those in grief. And so those in grief tend to find themselves pushing to be stronger than they can truly handle.
It's like one more thing you have to be when you literally don't know how to even be in your own skin anymore.
So. Damn. Strong.
I hope that one day, I won't have to fight this hard to be strong again. I hope one day, we see vulnerability (and tears and the inability to "do it all") in the same vein as strength.
Because I am "strong," but I sure as hell don't want to be.
written by Steph Thompson