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To my Earth side children - I'm sorry

MY TFMR AND STILLBIRTH STORY



I WISH I COULD BE MORE FOR YOU…

I’m sorry for not being the Mummy that I dreamt that I would be for you. I never imagined that motherhood would bring me so much pain. I struggle everyday to be the best Mummy I can be for you. To be a Mummy to children in both heaven and earth is a struggle every single day.


I’m sorry that you have to see me struggle with my grief and anxiety. With my lack of confidence, being easily distracted and the constant tiredness. I wish I could be more for you. Looking at all the Mummys that are full of life and have constant packed out lives - I wish I could be like them. I try so hard, but I just can’t be that.


I’m sorry that you know the pain of losing a sister. I never ever wanted this for you. It breaks my heart the pain you have been through. You should not know the raw realities of life at such a young age. I wish I could have protected you, but it was my job to let you know the pain and to help guide you through. Poppy is a part of you as you are a part of Poppy. Siblings entwined forever.


I AM BEYOND PROUD OF YOU…

But what I do know is how much you are loved, and how incredibly proud I am of each of you. You amaze me each and every day. Having a sister in heaven isn’t easy, and I am proud of how you include Poppy in everything. I am so proud of how much compassion and understanding you have of the baby loss world. You have so much more than many adults I know. I’m also beyond proud of the money you have raised for the Blossom Suite. The time and love you have dedicated in memory of Poppy and all of the precious babies gone too soon.


As your Mummy, I just hope that what you have experienced brings a compassion into your lives that only real pain can bring. I hope that the bond you have with each other will be even stronger as only you know the pain of losing your sister Poppy. I hope you know just how much you are loved and that I would give each of you the world. Never forget how incredible you are. Never forget how much you are loved.


I just want to thank you for keeping me going. For having something to live for.

You will never, ever know the extent to how much I need you and how you have helped me to live again. You have shown me a view of the world that I only you were able to do. I am so excited to see you live your lives and the adventures you will go on. Just remember I will always be here, you will always have me to come home to. And you will forever have Poppy watching over you as your guardian angel.

My love forever and always.

Mummy xxxxx


Sara Millen

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