MY STILLBIRTH STORY
I didn't think it was possible to cry as much as I did after losing Gracie.
In the early months or maybe even the first year ... how I wept, how I broke, how I couldn't stop the tears from flowing down my face. How you could see my raw pain and how people gave such empathy, understanding and support in the initial stages of my grief.
Don't get me wrong -- after hearing those awful words, I didn't cry. I was in shock.
But felt like I needed to be strong to get through labour.
I also felt like I needed to be strong for others.
I comforted them in a daze. But what about now?
What do things look and feel like five years down the line?
Just because my eyes don't tear doesn't mean my heart doesn't cry.
And just because I come off strong doesn't mean there's nothing wrong.
My brain is slowly beginning to learn to live with love and pain simultaneously.
Baby loss has taught me that you can never be sure of anything or in control -- so you're better to just surrender.
The secret to calm after loss is flowing with life -- not forcing.
The greatest gift you can give yourself is to just breathe through this horrific nightmare and learn how to just be.
Living with love and pain. A rather bizarre new normal.